Why Trusting Yourself Can Be Harder Than It Sounds
For many people, self-doubt is a learned response that developed over time. The tendency to override your own instincts in favor of someone else’s take on a situation typically develops early, perhaps in environments where your judgment was questioned, corrected, or ignored (Zhao et al., 2019).
Over time, such a pattern can become internalized, meaning it could become a subconscious part of who you are (Gilbert et al., 2004). This might cause you to distrust your own opinions before anyone else even has the chance to disagree.
There’s also a social component to self-doubt; humans are wired to seek belonging, so disagreeing with those around you can feel risky (Martino et al., 2015). But continuously letting others take the lead could be misconstrued as being agreeable or a good listener.
Self-doubt can be a consequence of very real and challenging life experiences. Asking whether these patterns are serving you is important. For most people who find it hard to trust themselves, the honest answer to this is that it stopped benefiting them a long time ago.
4 Ways to Learn How to Trust Your Own Judgment
Your ability to trust yourself can be built through small, repeated acts of listening to your internal voice and shifting toward self-actualization.
The following four steps can help:
1. Notice your first response to things
Before second-guessing kicks in, there’s usually an initial moment of clarity about your take on a situation—a quiet sense of what feels right for you. Practice listening to your own thoughts in these moments. These thoughts don’t have to be the deciding factor, but noticing what they are is an important step in learning how to trust your own judgment.
2. Try to separate input from authority
There’s a big difference between considering someone else’s perspective and letting them decide for you. Other people’s thoughts can be useful data, but data is meant to be analyzed, not automatically believed. Remember that asking others for their input doesn’t have to equate to surrendering your own judgment.
3. Track your decision-making
Many people who find it hard to trust themselves also have a selective memory. They might easily recall the times their judgment was wrong but struggle to remember the times it was right. Start paying attention to the decisions you made and the instincts that worked well to get a more accurate sense of your reliability.
4. Let yourself be wrong sometimes
Trusting yourself doesn’t require a perfect record. Sometimes you have to make a call on something and live with the outcome. You can update your decisions as needed without treating each mistake as evidence that you always do things wrong.
Trusting your own judgment might sound easy enough—until you catch yourself second-guessing something you previously felt sure about.
Like with most things, you likely don’t want to become too rigid in your approach to trusting yourself by shutting out anyone who challenges your thinking.
