7 Types of Self-Destructive Behaviors
Self-destructive behaviors often go unnoticed. Even so, they subtly impact our relationships, careers, and self-esteem. Recognizing these behaviors is essential for adopting healthier patterns and promoting personal growth.
1. Procrastination
Procrastination is a common form of self-sabotage. This is when we avoid tasks, often due to fear of discomfort, failure, or inadequacy. This can lead to missed opportunities, increased stress, and feelings of regret, especially as unfinished tasks accumulate (Steel, 2010).
2. Self-criticism
Negative self-talk or self-criticism undermines confidence and reinforces self-doubt. Individuals with a harsh inner critic may continuously question their abilities or self-worth, which can prevent them from pursuing new opportunities or taking pride in their accomplishments (Morin, 2022).
3. People pleasing
People pleasing often involves putting others’ needs before our own. Many of us engage in this behavior at the expense of personal wellbeing. Driven by a fear of abandonment or the desire for approval, people pleasers take on too many commitments, leading to burnout and resentment (Braiker, 2002).
4. Learned helplessness
Those who have learned to feel powerless to change adverse situations, often due to repeated setbacks or stress, are experiencing learned helplessness. They disengage from their goals and feel they have no control over their direction. As a result, they miss many opportunities (Curtis, 2020).
5. Risky behaviors
A lack of self-control, such as substance misuse or reckless spending, is often a way to escape difficult emotions or stress. While these behaviors may provide us temporary relief, they can have serious consequences on our mental, physical, and financial health (McGonigal, 2011).
6. Relationship sabotage
Relationship sabotage occurs when we push away loved ones or create conflict due to fear of rejection or vulnerability. This self-protective behavior can prevent emotional intimacy and lead to strained or broken relationships. Recognizing and addressing fears of closeness or rejection can help us build stronger, more fulfilling connections with others (Copley, 2023).
7. Avoiding self-care
Neglecting self-care practices, such as exercise, proper nutrition, or sleep, heightens our stress and emotional imbalance. This avoidance may stem from feelings of unworthiness or a tendency to prioritize other responsibilities over our personal wellbeing (Morin, 2022).
What our readers think
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I believe one of my kids is struggling with self-sabotage. After reading this article and one more, plus the TED talk. I believe I have the necessary tool to start a meaningful conversation about it with my son and, hopefully, it will be a constructive discussion and he will go to a psychologist, look for help and be happy. My son is 22 years old…
So glad you found this helpful!
love these worksheets!! xx
I realize how I have been self-sabotaging since I was a child and will be 51 in a month. Whether it’s relationships with friends, family or boyfriends, It almost feels like a bad habit I have been hanging onto for way too long and it is time to break it and change for the better and be more positive. Over the past 26 years, I have taken a lot of courses to help with work or self-improvement, in person and online and continue to learn and grow. One thing I learned from courses or programs is what to hold onto and what to let go of or save for another time in the future. Loving, respecting and forgiving myself before anything else is the key. I hope this helps others who may read this. God bless.
Thank you for “voicing” what I have been doing to myself too, since I was a child. I will be turning 51 this year, and like you, I have come a long way into knowing, accepting, and embracing myself for who I am (self-love, self-improvement, self-checking, self-healing). I hope to be embarking on this journey of breaking the habit of self-sabotage, a day at a time, and wishing you well in your journey.
Thank you both for sharing this valuable feedback!