5 Self-Sabotaging Worksheets For Your Clients

Key Insights

12 minute read
  • Self-sabotage can be caused by subconscious fears, low self-worth, or negative beliefs, leading to behaviors that hinder goals.
  • Key behaviors include procrastination, self-criticism, perfectionism, and relationship sabotage, which impact various life areas.
  • Mindfulness, cognitive restructuring, and positive reinforcement can help break self-sabotaging patterns and promote personal growth.

What is self-sabotage?We can be our own worst enemy.

In my experience as a mental health therapist, I have noticed that despite having clear goals and big dreams, many of us engage in behaviors that hold us back from achieving them.

Whether it’s procrastinating on important tasks, turning down a promotion due to imposter syndrome, or avoiding relationships out of fear of rejection, these self-sabotaging actions quietly undermine our progress.

Let’s take some time today to explore why we sabotage ourselves so we can break these patterns and unlock our full potential.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Self-Compassion Exercises for free. These detailed, science-based exercises will help you increase the compassion and kindness you show yourself and will also give you the tools to help your clients, students, or employees show more compassion to themselves.

Self-Sabotaging: Meaning & Definition

Self-sabotaging occurs when our actions, whether conscious or unconscious, create obstacles that interfere with our long-term goals and wellbeing (Gale, 2018). They keep us stuck.

What makes self-sabotaging so challenging is that many people aren’t fully aware it’s happening or why they are doing it. To outsiders, the link between a behavior and its negative consequence is obvious, yet people often continue getting in their own way because of a habituated pattern embedded in their subconscious. These patterns are usually driven by deep-seated fears, such as fear of failure or success, or beliefs, such as self-doubt or low self-worth (Copley, 2023).

It seems counterintuitive that our subconscious would sabotage our attempts at living a happy and fulfilled life. However, the purpose of our subconscious mind is to protect us from perceived risks (Schwartz, 2021), even if it means undermining your progress at fulfilling your dreams. Since your fears and beliefs are threatening, your subconscious acts in ways to keep you safe.

So this mental sabotage aims to protect you from some of your deepest fears, like rejection or humiliation. Understanding this truth is key to breaking free from your self-sabotaging patterns.

Download 3 Free Self-Compassion Exercises (PDF)

These detailed, science-based exercises will equip you to help others create a kinder and more nurturing relationship with themselves.

The Psychology Behind Self-Defeating Behaviors

Self-defeating behaviors can be understood through several psychological schools of thought. For example, neuropsychological perspectives suggest that brain chemistry and dysfunctions in areas controlling impulse and decision-making can be triggered by stress or trauma and lead to self-sabotaging reactions (Morgan & Ricker, 2017).

Psychodynamic therapists see self-sabotage as rooted in unconscious conflicts, where unresolved emotional needs stemming from childhood lead to self-destructive actions (Gibbons & O’Reilly, 2021).

Behavioral therapists view self-sabotage as a learned response that is reinforced over time when avoidance provides temporary relief from anxiety (Fisher et al., 2021).

Cognitive therapists argue that distorted thinking patterns, like negative self-beliefs or catastrophizing, fuel these behaviors (Taylor & Workman, 2021).

Meanwhile, humanistic therapists believe self-sabotage occurs when individuals are disconnected from their true selves, often due to unmet needs or adverse life experiences that fragmented their identity (Schneider et al., 2014).

Take some time now to consider your perspective on self-defeating behaviors. Why do you think we engage in these self-limiting thoughts and actions? In your own life, what purpose could they serve in your survival, and how might it harm you and your future?

You can learn more about the psychology of self-sabotage and resistance by watching this video.

The psychology of self-sabotage and resistance - Academy of Ideas

7 Signs & Causes of Self-Sabotage According to Research

Self-sabotaging is a complex behavior that can lead us to procrastinate, set unrealistic standards, or rationalize behaviors that hold us back in life. Understanding these causes can help individuals and therapists identify self-sabotaging patterns and work toward lasting change (Gale, 2018).

1. Fear of failure

Fear of failure can paralyze us, leading to the avoidance of important tasks in our lives. This fear may stem from a deep concern about others’ opinions, which can ultimately lead us to avoid taking risks that could lead to success (Conroy et al., 2007).

2. Low self-esteem

Those with low self-esteem often doubt their abilities and believe they are undeserving of success, which can cause self-sabotaging actions like underperformance or self-neglect. Low self-worth leads to cycles of negative thinking that reinforce self-sabotaging behaviors (Baumeister et al., 2003).

3. Negative core beliefs

Core beliefs such as “I’m not good enough” or “I don’t deserve happiness” can unconsciously drive self-sabotaging behavior. These beliefs often originate from early life experiences and can limit our willingness to pursue positive goals (Beck, 1976).

4. Fear of success or happiness

Ironically, the fear of achieving happiness can also lead to self-sabotage. You may find that your clients worry about the expectations or responsibilities that come with success, leading them to unconsciously undermine their own efforts to prevent facing new pressures (Joshanloo & Weijers, 2014).

5. Impulsivity and poor emotional regulation

Impulsive behavior and difficulty regulating affect are associated with self-sabotaging actions. Examples include acting out of frustration or making hasty decisions that may hinder long-term goals. Studies link poor emotional regulation to challenges in maintaining goal-directed behavior, often leading to patterns of self-sabotage (McGonigal, 2011).

6. Perfectionism

Perfectionism can create an all-or-nothing mentality. Individuals may feel that they have to achieve impossible standards or avoid the task altogether. This pursuit of flawlessness can lead to chronic self-doubt and avoidance behaviors when perfection feels unachievable (Morin, 2022).

7. Fear of judgment

Social anxiety can create a tendency to avoid taking action, particularly if the action might lead to public mistakes. When we fear judgment, we may sabotage ourselves by not trying. This ensures we avoid potential embarrassment (Hope et al., 2020).

For more on signs of self-sabotaging, we recommend this video.

7 Signs of self sabotage - Psych2Go

7 Types of Self-Destructive Behaviors

Self-destructive behaviors often go unnoticed. Even so, they subtly impact our relationships, careers, and self-esteem. Recognizing these behaviors is essential for adopting healthier patterns and promoting personal growth.

1. Procrastination

Procrastination is a common form of self-sabotage. This is when we avoid tasks, often due to fear of discomfort, failure, or inadequacy. This can lead to missed opportunities, increased stress, and feelings of regret, especially as unfinished tasks accumulate (Steel, 2010).

2. Self-criticism

Negative self-talk or self-criticism undermines confidence and reinforces self-doubt. Individuals with a harsh inner critic may continuously question their abilities or self-worth, which can prevent them from pursuing new opportunities or taking pride in their accomplishments (Morin, 2022).

3. People pleasing

People pleasing often involves putting others’ needs before our own. Many of us engage in this behavior at the expense of personal wellbeing. Driven by a fear of abandonment or the desire for approval, people pleasers take on too many commitments, leading to burnout and resentment (Braiker, 2002).

4. Learned helplessness

Those who have learned to feel powerless to change adverse situations, often due to repeated setbacks or stress, are experiencing learned helplessness. They disengage from their goals and feel they have no control over their direction. As a result, they miss many opportunities (Curtis, 2020).

5. Risky behaviors

A lack of self-control, such as substance misuse or reckless spending, is often a way to escape difficult emotions or stress. While these behaviors may provide us temporary relief, they can have serious consequences on our mental, physical, and financial health (McGonigal, 2011).

6. Relationship sabotage

Relationship sabotage occurs when we push away loved ones or create conflict due to fear of rejection or vulnerability. This self-protective behavior can prevent emotional intimacy and lead to strained or broken relationships. Recognizing and addressing fears of closeness or rejection can help us build stronger, more fulfilling connections with others (Copley, 2023).

7. Avoiding self-care

Neglecting self-care practices, such as exercise, proper nutrition, or sleep, heightens our stress and emotional imbalance. This avoidance may stem from feelings of unworthiness or a tendency to prioritize other responsibilities over our personal wellbeing (Morin, 2022).

Get comfortable with being uncomfortable - Luvvie Ajayi Jones

In order to start leaning into your self-sabotage in order to understand it better, we recommend this video on getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Self-Sabotaging in Relationships & Its Consequences

Self-sabotaging does not just impact you on a personal and individual level, it also crosses over into harming the relationships that you value. For example, in romantic relationships, this can manifest as commitment avoidance, emotional withdrawal, or even instigating conflict as a way to maintain control and protect yourself from potential hurt.

These behaviors, intended to prevent rejection, ironically create distance and prevent genuine intimacy. Similarly, in friendships, self-sabotage may appear as withholding personal feelings or avoiding difficult conversations, possibly due to a fear of judgment. This can limit the depth of connection and lead to loneliness and a lack of authentic support.

What about our family dynamics? Self-sabotage can emerge through unresolved conflicts or lingering resentments with relatives that show up as guarded or passive-aggressive interactions that hinder open communication and trust.

In the workplace, self-sabotaging might include avoiding teamwork, being hesitant to share ideas, or distancing yourself from colleagues out of fear of criticism or competition (Kun & Gadanecz, 2021).

While these behaviors can feel protective, they ultimately lead to isolation, missed opportunities, and strained relationships.

Do any of these settings sound familiar? In all these settings, self-sabotage reinforces the very fears it aims to avoid, creating a cycle of disconnection and mistrust. Recognizing these patterns is essential for building healthier relational habits that allow for deeper, more supportive connections.

How to Stop Self-Sabotaging: 8 Proven Strategies

Overcoming self-sabotaging requires a thoughtful approach. The behaviors are often deeply ingrained and can be fueled by subconscious fears or habits.

By using science-backed strategies, therapists can help clients build resilience and break free from these patterns, empowering them to live more fulfilling lives. The following are effective methods to support clients in managing self-sabotage:

1. Mindfulness & stress reduction

Mindfulness practices, such as deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation, help clients manage stress. This makes them less likely to default to self-sabotaging behaviors. Regular mindfulness exercises allow clients to become more aware of their thoughts and triggers, enabling them to choose constructive responses over impulsive reactions.

2. Positive intelligence

Positive intelligence (Chamine, 2012) focuses on identifying “saboteurs,” or mental habits that drive self-sabotage by generating negative emotions. Recognizing these patterns and shifting to positive, constructive thoughts can help clients build mental resilience.

Chamine (2012) outlines 10 key saboteurs within our psyche that foster stress, frustration, and self-doubt, influencing how we tackle life’s challenges. See the visual below for Chamine’s full list of saboteurs.

3. Uncovering unconscious conflicts

Through psychodynamic therapy, clients can examine unresolved past conflicts that may drive self-sabotage. Bringing these conflicts into awareness helps clients understand the root causes of their self-sabotaging behaviors and finally create a foundation for positive change.

4. Working through resistance

Resistance to change often stems from fear or insecurity. Therapists can help clients understand and work through this resistance by first identifying it as a natural reaction to growth rather than a barrier. This approach gradually shifts clients toward healthier behaviors because they see themselves in a more positive light.

5. Reinforcing positive behaviors

Behavioral strategies like reward systems encourage clients to replace self-sabotaging actions with positive habits. By consistently reinforcing small successes, clients can establish new, supportive behaviors that align with their dreams and life visions.

6. Exposure therapy for avoidance

Gradual exposure to feared situations can help clients overcome avoidance rooted in deep anxiety. This technique allows clients to slowly build confidence and resilience as they face challenges in a controlled, step-by-step manner.

7. Thought-stopping techniques

For those who struggle with persistent negative self-talk, thought-stopping techniques can interrupt unhelpful patterns. Clients learn to stop negative thoughts with deliberate cues and replace them with supportive or neutral alternatives. This helps create more positive inner dialogue.

8. Goal clarification & self-actualization

Humanistic therapy encourages clients to clarify their goals and values and to focus on personal growth and self-actualization. By reconnecting with the hopes and needs of their true selves, clients are empowered to replace sabotaging behaviors with those that support self-actualization and lasting fulfillment.

Emotional self awareness - Inspiring Works

3 Self-Sabotaging Worksheets for Your Clients

Recognizing and addressing self-sabotaging behaviors can empower clients to break free from limiting patterns.

These worksheets offer structured ways to begin identifying saboteurs and use unique strengths and positive character traits to nurture transformative healing.

1. Identifying & reframing self-sabotaging thoughts

This worksheet guides clients in identifying the specific thoughts that contribute to self-sabotaging behaviors, helping them recognize patterns and reframe these thoughts.

In your therapy room, you might use this worksheet with clients who are stuck in cycles of negative thinking or self-doubt. You might find this particularly helpful after a client experiences a setback.

As a positive outcome, clients should feel more empowered to recognize self-sabotaging thoughts early and develop a more constructive mindset by using their own strengths and wisdom to reframe their inner dialogue.

2. Strengths-based self-compassion for overcoming self-sabotage

Designed to encourage self-compassion, this worksheet helps clients use their unique strengths as tools to counteract self-sabotaging tendencies.

You can use this with clients during therapy who struggle with self-compassion or are overly self-critical.

Through exercises linking personal strengths with past self-sabotaging behaviors, clients can begin to view themselves with greater empathy and realize they have inner resources to support change. The desired outcome is for clients to cultivate a kinder relationship with themselves by recognizing and leveraging their own strengths in challenging moments.

3. Guided meditation for overcoming self-sabotage using strengths

This guided meditation helps clients connect with their inner strengths to help with self-compassion and a sense of empowerment.

As a therapist, you might use this meditation with clients who are prone to self-doubt or who need support in managing self-sabotaging thoughts in a calm or more focused state.

Clients can benefit from this by developing a practical visualization of their strengths and learning to bring these qualities into situations where self-sabotage might arise. The aim is for clients to leave the meditation feeling grounded and equipped with a sense of calm confidence and self-trust.

Kristin Neff: the three components of self-compassion

If you’re looking for more on strengths-based approaches, you may find this video on the three components of self-compassion to be helpful.

Overcoming Self-Undermining in Therapy

Addressing self-undermining thoughts and behaviors is essential in any sort of progress toward goals. The self-undermining tendency to engage in actions that weaken our progress often arises from fear, self-doubt, or unresolved beliefs about worthiness.

For therapists, understanding a client’s self-undermining patterns allows for a tailored approach that empowers the client to recognize and reframe these behaviors.

By exploring these tendencies using some of the guidance so far explained in this article, you as a therapist can help clients replace self-undermining habits with constructive actions to create more self-compassion and resilience. As a result, clients are more likely to build confidence, embrace personal growth, and align their actions with their true aspirations.

17 Exercises To Foster Self-Acceptance and Compassion

Help your clients develop a kinder, more accepting relationship with themselves using these 17 Self-Compassion Exercises [PDF] that promote self-care and self-compassion.

Created by Experts. 100% Science-based.

Helpful Resources From PositivePsychology.com

There are plenty of resources and strategies to begin addressing self-sabotaging behaviors, but if you are looking for more, we suggest the following:

  • Dispute Negative Thinking
    This activity encourages clients to distance themselves from self-critical thoughts by challenging them constructively.
  • Graded Exposure Worksheet
    This exercise is a cognitive behavioral therapy technique that introduces clients to feared situations gradually, helping them build resilience.

If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others develop self-compassion, this collection contains 17 validated self-compassion tools for practitioners. Use them to help others create a kinder and more nurturing relationship with the self.

A Take-Home Message

When recognizing patterns of self-sabotage, the first step is acknowledging these behaviors with self-compassion rather than judgment.

Guide clients to take the time to explore their thoughts, fears, and habits to identify the underlying causes.

Then take small, intentional actions to reframe self-undermining behaviors and begin to replace these patterns with healthier choices to be proud of.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Self Compassion Exercises for free.

ED: Replaced November 2024

Frequently Asked Questions

Look for patterns where you consistently block your progress, like procrastination, negative self-talk, or avoiding opportunities.

Common patterns include perfectionism, impulsivity, fear of failure, people pleasing, and avoiding self-care or commitments due to imposter syndrome or fear of rejection.

Self-sabotage often stems from deep-seated fears or beliefs about unworthiness, failure, or rejection, which drives protective but limiting behaviors.

  • Baumeister, R. F., Campbell, J. D., Krueger, J. I., & Vohs, K. D. (2003). Does high self-esteem cause better performance, interpersonal success, happiness, or healthier lifestyles?. Psychological Science in the Public Interest: A Journal of the American Psychological Society, 4(1), 1–44. https://doi.org/10.1111/1529-1006.01431
  • Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. International Universities Press.
  • Braiker, H. B. (2002). The disease to please: Curing the people-pleasing syndrome. McGraw-Hill.
  • Copley, L. A. (2023). Loving you is hurting me: A new approach to healing trauma bonds and creating authentic connection. Hachette Book Group.
  • Chamine, S. (2012). Positive intelligence: Why only 20% of teams and individuals achieve their true potential and how you can achieve yours. Greenleaf Book Group Press.
  • Conroy, D. E., Kaye, M. P., & Fifer, A. M. (2007). Cognitive links between fear of failure and perfectionism. Journal of Rational-Emotive & Cognitive-Behavior Therapy, 25(4), 237–253. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10942-007-0052-7
  • Curtis, R. C. (Ed.). (2020). Self-defeating behaviors: Experimental research, clinical impressions, and practical implications. Springer Nature.
  • Fisher, W. W., Piazza, C. C., & Roane, H. S. (Eds.). (2021). Handbook of applied behavior analysis (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.
  • Gale, H. (2018). The mind monster solution: How to overcome self-sabotage and reclaim your life. Yellow Kite.
  • Gibbons, R., & O’Reilly, J. (2021). Psychodynamic theory: The development of a model of the mind. In R. Gibbons & J. O’Reilly (Eds.), Seminars in the psychotherapies (pp. 3-11). Cambridge University Press.
  • Hope, D. A., Heimberg, R. G., & Turk, C. L. (2020). Managing social anxiety: A cognitive-behavioral therapy approach (Therapist guide) (3rd ed.). Oxford University Press.
  • Joshanloo, M., & Weijers, D. (2014). Aversion to happiness across cultures: A review of where and why people are averse to happiness. Journal of Happiness Studies, 15(3), 717–735. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-013-9489-9
  • Kun, A., & Gadanecz, P. (2019). Workplace happiness, well-being and their relationship with psychological capital: A study of Hungarian teachers. Current Psychology, 1046–1310.
  • McGonigal, K. (2011). The willpower instinct: How self-control works, why it matters, and what you can do to get more of it. Avery.
  • Morgan, J. E., & Ricker, J. H. (Eds.). (2017). Textbook of clinical neuropsychology (2nd ed.). Taylor & Francis.
  • Morin, A. (2022). 13 Things mentally strong people don’t do: Take back your power, embrace change, face your fears, and train your brain for happiness and success. William Morrow Paperbacks.
  • Schneider, K. J., Pierson, J. F., & Bugental, J. F. T. (Eds.). (2014). The handbook of humanistic psychology: Theory, research, and practice (2nd ed.). SAGE Publications, Inc.
  • Schwartz, R. C. (2021). No bad parts: Healing trauma and restoring wholeness with the internal family systems model. Sounds True.
  • Steel, P. (2010). The procrastination equation: How to stop putting things off and start getting stuff done. Harper.
  • Taylor, S., & Workman, L. (2021). Cognitive psychology: The basics. Routledge.
Comments

What our readers think

  1. Laura Copley

    Yay!

    Reply
  2. Marlon

    I believe one of my kids is struggling with self-sabotage. After reading this article and one more, plus the TED talk. I believe I have the necessary tool to start a meaningful conversation about it with my son and, hopefully, it will be a constructive discussion and he will go to a psychologist, look for help and be happy. My son is 22 years old…

    Reply
    • Laura Copley

      So glad you found this helpful!

      Reply
  3. Katie Long

    love these worksheets!! xx

    Reply
  4. sue wellspring

    I realize how I have been self-sabotaging since I was a child and will be 51 in a month. Whether it’s relationships with friends, family or boyfriends, It almost feels like a bad habit I have been hanging onto for way too long and it is time to break it and change for the better and be more positive. Over the past 26 years, I have taken a lot of courses to help with work or self-improvement, in person and online and continue to learn and grow. One thing I learned from courses or programs is what to hold onto and what to let go of or save for another time in the future. Loving, respecting and forgiving myself before anything else is the key. I hope this helps others who may read this. God bless.

    Reply
    • Anna

      Thank you for “voicing” what I have been doing to myself too, since I was a child. I will be turning 51 this year, and like you, I have come a long way into knowing, accepting, and embracing myself for who I am (self-love, self-improvement, self-checking, self-healing). I hope to be embarking on this journey of breaking the habit of self-sabotage, a day at a time, and wishing you well in your journey.

      Reply
      • Laura Copley

        Thank you both for sharing this valuable feedback!

        Reply

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