Myth: You need to silence your inner critic to feel better.
Truth: You need to change your relationship to it, so it has less influence over you.
What if the problem isn’t self-criticism itself but how much you believe it?
Negative thoughts are a normal part of being human, and struggling against them can create more suffering.
One common example is self-criticism. Self-critique can be very convincing, and we may overidentify with our negative thoughts, mistaking them for facts rather than mere mental events.
While there’s space for self-accountability, self-criticism can play a role in both the development and maintenance of psychological difficulties such as depression and anxiety (Zaccari et al., 2024).
In this post, I’ll explore how you can move from self-criticism to self-acceptance with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT).
Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our five positive psychology tools for free. These engaging, science-based exercises will help you effectively deal with difficult circumstances and give you the tools to improve the resilience of your clients, students, or employees.
The inner critic is an internal voice that judges, evaluates, and criticizes your thoughts, actions, and sense of self. It can sound like:
“I’m not good enough.”
“I should be doing better.”
“I’ve ruined everything.”
This voice isn’t something you’re born with. It develops over time, and you may even recognize where it came from. It can come from early experiences with caregivers, cultural and social expectations, or past experiences of criticism, failure, or rejection (Zaccari et al., 2024).
Over time, these experiences can become internalized and take the form of self-criticism, negative self-evaluation, and harsh inner dialogue.
And while it often feels hostile, the critic has a function. From an evolutionary perspective, it’s associated with threat detection, social comparison, and avoiding rejection (Gilbert, 2014). It’s trying to help you improve, stay safe, or avoid failure—if maybe in a rather uncompassionate way.
Why Self-Criticism Prevents Self-Acceptance
Although the inner critic is trying to protect you, it tends to have the opposite effect and can lead to shame, withdrawal, and anxiety (Zaccari et al., 2024).
Self-criticism can also drive experiential avoidance, where you try to escape or suppress thoughts and feelings (Wang et al., 2024). This can create a cycle:
Self-critical thought (“I’m not good at anything.”)
Emotional distress, like shame or anxiety
Avoidance through procrastination, substance use, or withdrawal
Reduced functioning
More self-criticism
Over time, this pattern shrinks your world because you do less, avoid more, and become increasingly convinced that the critic is onto something.
In ACT, the aim isn’t to eliminate your self-criticism. The focus is on changing how you relate to your inner critic, which we discussed in a previous post about self-acceptance and ACT.
A powerful shift happens when you shift from asking, “How can I make the negative thoughts stop?” to asking, “How can I respond to these thoughts in a way that helps me live the life I actually want?”
ACT works by increasing psychological flexibility—the ability to stay present and open to experiences and take action in line with personal values even when there’s discomfort (A-Tjak et al., 2015).
As such, research shows that ACT is effective across a wide range of conditions such as anxiety, depression, and addictions (A-Tjak et al., 2015).
A 4-Step ACT Reset: From Self-Criticism to Self-Acceptance
The inner critic can feel really convincing, especially when you’re not feeling mentally well.
This four-step reset brings together the core processes of ACT to help you step back from self-critical thoughts, make space for all emotions, and have more choice over how you respond.
Step 1: Awareness: Notice the inner critic
When that voice shows up saying, “I’m not good enough,” or “I always mess up,” pause for a moment, take a breath, and acknowledge, “I’m having a self-critical thought right now.”
This pause can interrupt automatic patterns, such as rumination, and create space to respond more intentionally (Lindsay & Creswell, 2017).
Step 2: Defuse from it
Move from being inside the thought to observing it as a mental event. So instead of thinking, “I am useless,” you can say, “I am having the thought that I’m useless.”
There’s no effort to change the thought, but it creates distance from it or frames it as just words, which can lessen its impact and intensity (Harris, 2006).
Step 3: Allow the feeling
Self-criticism tends to be accompanied by unpleasant emotions like shame, anxiety, frustration, or anger.
When you allow your emotions to be there with words like, “This is uncomfortable, and I can let it be there,” you stop struggling against them. Now they pass through you instead of getting stuck, and you can “float to the surface” to regain space and flexibility.
Step 4: Act on your values
The last step is to bring your focus back to what matters: your personal values, goals, and needs.
Ask yourself, “What kind of person do I want to be now and in the future?” and base your decisions and how you respond to the inner critic on the answer(s).
Then make one small step in that direction, taking the critic with you if it insists on coming. You can take action in the presence of self-critical thoughts and the associated feelings. You can do what’s important to you even if it’s uncomfortable.
Over time, these small actions build meaning and confidence, and improve your overall wellbeing (Hayes et al., 2006).
Helpful Resources from PositivePsychology.com
Here are some more resources on ACT, including more information and exercises:
If you’re looking for more science-based ways to develop self-compassion, this collection contains 17 validated self-compassion tools. Use them to create a kinder and more nurturing relationship with the self.
A Take-Home Message
The inner critic isn’t trying to harm you, even though it can cause harm over time. It’s a misguided protective system that wants to help you avoid mistakes or rejection.
The problem isn’t self-criticism itself; it’s what happens when you identify with it and treat it as the truth.
Building psychological flexibility with ACT exercises can help you to observe mental events with curiosity, make space for experiences, and take action based on what matters most to you.
You can move forward regardless of what the inner critic wants you to believe about yourself. In fact, by showing it (yourself) that you’re taking value-based action, it often gets quieter.
How can I practice self-acceptance when my mind keeps telling me I’m not good enough?
Self-acceptance in ACT doesn’t mean you have to believe positive things about yourself. You just need to make space for difficult thoughts and feelings while still choosing to act in ways that reflect your values. Even if you have thoughts like “I’m not good enough,” you can still take a proactive step forward like speaking up, trying something different, or being kind to yourself. Over time, this will build a sense of self that isn’t defined by what your mind says.
If I don’t criticize myself, won’t that make me complacent or stop me from improving?
It can seem counterintuitive, but accepting yourself instead of criticizing yourself helps you grow. In ACT, acceptance is about trying to stop the struggle with your thoughts so you can use that energy for whatever is most important to you. It’s easier to take constructive action when you’re not caught up in a cycle of self-judgement and negative self-talk. So, you’re not lowering your standards but choosing to be a coach to yourself rather than a critic.
References
A-Tjak, J. G. L., Davis, M. L., Morina, N., Powers, M. B., Smits, J. A. J., & Emmelkamp, P. M. G. (2015). A meta-analysis of the efficacy of acceptance and commitment therapy for clinically relevant mental and physical health problems. Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics, 84(1), 30–36. https://doi.org/10.1159/000365764
Gilbert, P. (2014). The origins and nature of compassion focused therapy. British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 53(1), 6–41. https://doi.org/10.1111/bjc.12043
Harris, R. (2006). Embracing your demons: An overview of acceptance and commitment therapy. Psychotherapy in Australia, 12(4), 2–8.
Hayes, S. C., Luoma, J. B., Bond, F. W., Masuda, A., & Lillis, J. (2006). Acceptance and commitment therapy: Model, processes and outcomes. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44(1), 1–25. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2005.06.006
Lindsay, E. K., & Creswell, J. D. (2017). Mechanisms of mindfulness training: Monitor and acceptance theory (MAT). Clinical Psychology Review, 51, 48–59. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2016.10.011
Wang, Y., Tian, J., & Yang, Q. (2024). Experiential avoidance process model: A review of the mechanism for the generation and maintenance of avoidance behavior. Psychiatry and Clinical Psychopharmacology, 34(2), 179–190. https://doi.org/10.5152/pcp.2024.23777
Zaccari, V., Fazi, M., Scarci, F., Correr, V., Trani, L., Filomena, M. G., Piccione, V., Cattan, S. J., Ginni, M. G., D’Olimpio, F., & Mancini, F. (2024). Understanding self-criticism: A systematic review of qualitative approaches. Clinical Neuropsychiatry, 21(6), 455–476. https://doi.org/10.36131/cnfioritieditore20240602
About the author
Anna Drescher, is a mental health writer and editor with a background in psychology and psychotherapy. In addition to her writing and editorial work, Anna is a certified hypnotherapist and meditation teacher. She has extensive experience working within the mental health sector in various roles including support work, managing a service user involvement and coproduction project, and working as an assistant psychologist within the NHS in England.
Negative thoughts are a normal part of being human, and struggling against them can create more suffering.
Although the inner critic is trying to protect you, it tends to have the opposite effect and can lead to shame, withdrawal, and anxiety (Zaccari et al., 2024).
The inner critic can feel really convincing, especially when you’re not feeling mentally well.
