Myth: By adulthood, you should know exactly who you are.
Truth: Identity evolves throughout life as you have more experiences, relationships, and perspectives.
Are your life choices based on what you want or what you think you should want?
“Who am I?”
This is a question many of us ask at some point during our lives.
In adolescence this question is particularly important as we begin to explore our values, interests, relationships, and future direction.
But not everyone has a stable sense of who they are by the time they reach adulthood, and it’s not always something we can figure out all at once. Throughout life, major transitions and experiences can make us revisit and revise our sense of who we are.
In this post, I’ll explore identity vs. role confusion, why the confusion happens, and how to begin building a more stable sense of identity.
Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our five positive psychology tools for free. These engaging, science-based exercises will help you effectively deal with difficult circumstances and give you the tools to improve the resilience of your clients, students, or employees.
In psychology, identity is your overall sense of who you are. It’s made up of the distinct qualities or traits that make you unique, including your values, beliefs, goals, life experiences, and the story you tell yourself about your life (Erikson, 1968).
It’s also influenced by your culture, family background, and other demographics, thereby helping you to navigate life and providing a sense of meaning and internal harmony (Schwartz et al., 2006).
It helps answer questions like:
What matters to you?
What kind of person are you?
What do you believe?
What do you want from life?
When you have a healthy sense of identity, you generally feel like the same person across situations, feel that different parts of yourself fit together, and have a sense of direction and purpose. This is often called self-concept clarity and has been linked to better well-being and life satisfaction (Lodi-Smith & Crocetti, 2017).
Identity also serves as a behavioral compass, which is where role identity comes in.
Role identity refers to the roles we occupy in different areas of life, such as within our families, friendships, or our identity at work.
For example, if I identify as a nurse, this identity will guide my behavior to “act like a nurse.” In other words, it helps me to know what’s expected of me, how to function, and what my values are.
It can be helpful to think of your identity as the whole picture, and role identities as some of those pieces that make it up.
Identity vs. Role Confusion
Psychologist Erik Erikson (1968) proposed that one of the most important developmental tasks of adolescence is resolving the conflict of identity vs. role confusion.
During this time, young people begin to explore who they are, what they believe, and where they fit into the world. Under the right conditions, they can build a strong sense of identity.
So, while they may not have figured it all out, they develop a relatively clear understanding of their values, goals, beliefs, and personal characteristics. This provides a sense of coherence and helps them understand who they are across different situations and stages of life (Branje et al., 2021).
By contrast, difficulties navigating this process can lead to role confusion. That means there’s uncertainty about who you are or who you want to become. Rather than having a stable sense of identity, you may feel fragmented, inconsistent, and unsure of where you belong (Erikson, 1968).
In short, identity means, “I have a relatively clear sense of who I am,” whereas role confusion means, “I’m not sure who I am, what I believe in, or where I’m going.”
We often think of identity as something we discover, like finding a hidden true self. But in reality, it’s something we build through our choices, relationships, experiences, and commitments.
Download 5 Free Positive Psychology Tools
Start thriving today with 5 free tools grounded in the science of positive psychology.
Download Tools
Signs You May Be Experiencing Role Confusion
If you persistently question who you are or what your role is, you may be experiencing role confusion. It can look different from person to person, but some common signs include:
Struggling to answer questions about yourself like what your goals are and what matters to you
Feeling like a different person depending on who you’re with
Frequently changing your goals, interests, or direction
Relying heavily on external validation and making decisions based on what others think or what you think others expect from you
Struggling to distinguish between your wants and others’ expectations
Feeling disconnected from yourself and your interests, values, or sense of purpose
Comparing yourself to others a lot
Struggling to make decisions
Why Role Confusion Happens
Role confusion can happen at any point during your lifetime. For young people, the following factors can get in the way of stable identity formation.
Pressure
Strong pressure from parents, peers, culture, or society can lead to an identity that reflects external expectations rather than personal values and interests (Kroger et al., 2010).
Poor-quality relationships
A young person who experiences a lot of conflict, rejection, control, or lack of emotional support in their relationships may struggle to form a coherent identity (Branje et al., 2021).
Instability or adversity
Trauma, family disruption like divorce, chronic stress, bullying, discrimination, or frequent life changes create uncertainty and reduce opportunities for healthy exploration (Schwartz et al., 2011).
Poor mental health
Struggling with mental health can make it harder for young people to commit to goals, relationships, or future plans, increasing the likelihood of identity confusion (Crocetti et al., 2008).
For adults, major life transitions can prompt a revisit to questions about who they are, what matters to them, and what their role is in life (Lodi-Smith & Crocetti, 2017). Examples of these kinds of transitions include:
Leaving education and starting work
Changing careers
Becoming a parent
Ending a relationship
Losing a loved one
Retiring
Moving to a new country or culture
Becoming physically or mentally ill
However, role confusion isn’t always triggered by life transitions. Conflicting expectations from family, culture, or society; difficult early experiences; and the increasing number of choices available in modern life can also play a role.
Previous generations often derived their identities from religion, profession, community, or family role. Now we’re told we can be anything. And while this greater freedom creates more opportunities for self-exploration and expression, it can also make it harder to decide who we want to be and what path to follow.
How to Start Building Identity
Feeling uncertain about who you are can be uncomfortable, but it can also be an opportunity to reflect on and develop a more authentic sense of self. So, here are a few tips to get you started.
Clarify your values
Identifying what really matters to you can help you move toward a more meaningful and authentic life (Hayes et al., 2006). Consider these questions:
What matters most to you?
What kind of person do you want to be?
What qualities do you admire in others?
Experiment and explore
Exploring and experiencing new things can help you develop a stronger sense of identity. For example:
New hobbies
Volunteering
Different social groups
Creative activities
Reflect on your story
What are the stories you tell yourself and others about yourself and your life? Making meaning from your experiences and integrating them into a coherent story can help you create a sense of self (McAdams & McLean, 2013). You might ask:
What experiences have shaped you?
What themes run through your life?
What kind of story are you trying to write moving forward?
And finally, a healthy identity isn’t fixed. It’s not about finding your true self once and for all but rather an ongoing process of exploring possibilities and adjusting them as you grow.
A Take-Home Message
Questioning who you are is a normal part of being human, and most people revisit this question at some point in their lives.
While role confusion can feel uncomfortable and disorienting, it reflects a period of growth, change, or transition—not failure. Identity tends to continue to evolve throughout our lives as we have new experiences and gain new perspectives.
Now that we have explored identity vs. role confusion, the ideal outcome is for you to develop a sense of self that feels authentic and aligned with what matters most to you.
What’s next?
On the topic of identity, you may find our article on Social Identity Theory intriguing. It dives deep into the theory behind stereotyping and social influence. In addition, our next post is a helpful guide on how to reconnect with your true self if you feel your identity has been lost.
No, role confusion isn’t a mental health condition, although it can affect your mental health. It refers to feeling uncertain about who you are, what you value, or what direction you want your life to take. This can feel distressing and may contribute to anxiety or low mood, but it’s often a normal part of development and major life transitions.
How long does role confusion last
There’s no specific timeline for role confusion. It can last a few weeks or months for some people who are going through change or a period of self-discovery. For others, it can be a persistent challenge. It depends on the circumstances, early experiences, personality, and how much support is available. Rather than trying to find all the answers at once, it can be more helpful to gradually explore your values, interests, and goals.
References
Branje, S., de Moor, E. L., Spitzer, J., & Becht, A. I. (2021). Dynamics of identity development in adolescence: A decade in review. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 31(4), 908–927. https://doi.org/10.1111/jora.12678
Crocetti, E., Rubini, M., Luyckx, K., & Meeus, W. (2008). Identity formation in early and middle adolescents from various ethnic groups: From three dimensions to five statuses. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 37, 983–996. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-007-9222-2
Erikson, E. H. (1968). Identity: Youth and crisis. W. W. Norton.
Hayes, S. C., Luoma, J. B., Bond, F. W., Masuda, A., & Lillis, J. (2006). Acceptance and commitment therapy: Model, processes and outcomes. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44(1), 1–25. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2005.06.006
Kroger, J., Martinussen, M., & Marcia, J. E. (2010). Identity status change during adolescence and young adulthood: A meta-analysis. Journal of Adolescence, 33(5), 683–698. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2009.11.002
Lodi-Smith, J., & Crocetti, E. (2017). Self-concept clarity development across the lifespan. In J. Lodi-Smith & K. G. DeMarree (Eds.), Self-concept clarity: Perspectives on assessment, research, and applications (pp. 67–84). Springer.
McAdams, D. P., & McLean, K. C. (2013). Narrative identity. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 22(3), 233–238. https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721413475622
Schwartz, S. J., Beyers, W., Luyckx, K., Soenens, B., Zamboanga, B. L., Forthun, L. F., Hardy, S. A., Vazsonyi, A. T., Ham, L. S., Kim, S. Y., Whitbourne, S. K., & Waterman, A. S. (2011). Examining the light and dark sides of emerging adults’ identity: A study of identity status differences in positive and negative psychosocial functioning. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 40(7), 839–859. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-010-9606-6
Schwartz, S. J., Montgomery, M. J., & Briones, E. (2006). The role of identity in acculturation among immigrant people: Theoretical propositions, empirical questions, and applied recommendations. Human Development, 49(1), 1–30. https://doi.org/10.1159/000090300
About the author
Anna Drescher, is a mental health writer and editor with a background in psychology and psychotherapy. In addition to her writing and editorial work, Anna is a certified hypnotherapist and meditation teacher. She has extensive experience working within the mental health sector in various roles including support work, managing a service user involvement and coproduction project, and working as an assistant psychologist within the NHS in England.
“Who am I?”
Psychologist Erik Erikson (1968) proposed that one of the most important developmental tasks of adolescence is resolving the conflict of identity vs. role confusion.
Role confusion can happen at any point during your lifetime. For young people, the following factors can get in the way of stable identity formation.
Feeling uncertain about who you are can be uncomfortable, but it can also be an opportunity to reflect on and develop a more authentic sense of self. So, here are a few tips to get you started.
