A Quote on What Happiness Actually Is
“Happiness is a state of mind.”
What it means:
This quote proposes that happiness is simply a state of mind—one that we can put on or take off like a hat—which means that we can control our levels of happiness by purposefully entering the happiness state of mind.
The evidence:
- As noted earlier, we do have some control over our own happiness; simply trying to be happier really can work, at least in some circumstances (Ferguson & Sheldon, 2013).
- At least some of our happiness is determined by our genetic makeup (Minkov & Bond, 2017).
- In fact, a not-insignificant portion of one’s happiness comes from genetics; estimates vary (from around 30% of overall happiness up to around 80% of subjective wellbeing; Nes & Røysamb, 2017), but there is definitely a heritable aspect to happiness and wellbeing (Lykken & Tellegen, 1996).
The verdict: Half true
Although there is some truth to the idea that happiness is a state of mind, the inference that many make from this quote—that therefore we can induce happiness by simply moving into this state of mind—is not entirely accurate.
We can certainly take some action to enter a happiness-boosting state of mind, and we can make the effort to be happier, but it is not entirely our choice to be happy. Genetics, our upbringing, and our circumstances all play a role as well.
Dr. Roger Covin from Medium’s Thrive Global makes an excellent point that relates to this quote:
“We habituate to pleasure and positive emotional states… emotional states are not possible to chronically maintain over time. They wax and wane in response to life events” (2017).
In other words, we can encourage a happy mindset but it is not possible to stay in this mindset 100% of the time.
A Quote on Where Happiness Comes From
“Happiness comes from within.”
What it means:
This quote states that happiness does not come from external factors, like money, material objects, status, prestige, or perhaps even from our relationships, but from our own internal factors, like attitude, thought patterns, decision-making, and behavior.
The evidence:
- As we noted earlier, happiness is heritable, so you could certainly say it comes from within rather than from external factors alone (Nes & Røysamb, 2017).
- Studies have found that changes in attitude and actions are more impactful on one’s happiness than changes in one’s circumstances (Sheldon & Lyubomirsky, 2006).
- Happy people also tend to be more extroverted and have stronger romantic and other social relationships (Diener & Seligman, 2002).
The verdict: Mostly true
Happiness certainly does come from within, and few would argue that luxury and extravagance provide happiness. Our happiness depends on several factors, but many of them are internal: our attitude, our genetic predisposition towards happiness, our own decisions about how we respond to our thoughts and feelings, and how we behave.
However, that’s not to say that external factors don’t matter at all. In fact, some researchers might say that pushing the “happiness comes from within” narrative blames the unhappy person for being unhappy and dismisses legitimate concerns about factors that contribute to unhappiness, such as economic trends or racism.
As author Bella DePaulo points out:
“If you want to look within for the source of your unhappiness, go for it. But don’t look just there. Don’t accept the blame for external conditions that you had no role in creating. And if you want to do something about the circumstances of your life and many other people’s, too, that’s what social change is made of” (2016).
“Happiness is reality minus expectations.”
What it means:
This quote means that our happiness is a direct result of our expectations and our reality: if our expectations are high and our reality does not measure up, we will be unhappy, but if our expectations are low and our reality exceeds them, we will be happy. Essentially, it means that happiness is relative, not absolute.
The evidence:
- Happiness seems to be about as high in low-income countries as it is in high-income countries, suggesting that its basis is more relative and subjective than objective (Easterlin, McVey, Switek, Sawangfa, & Zweig, 2010).
- Further, happiness tends to increase in a country’s economic boom and decrease in a recession (Easterlin et al., 2010).
- Research has shown that lottery winners are, on average, no happier than those who have not won the lottery, and that they are only marginally happier than victims of an accident that left them paralyzed (Brickman, Coates, & Janoff-Bulman, 1978).
- Those who are optimistic (i.e., have high expectations about life) are more likely to be happy than those who are pessimistic (Conversano et al., 2010).
The verdict: Half true
Although the distance between our expectations and our reality certainly factors into our happiness, it’s clear that the relationship is not so cut and dry.
From research on differences in happiness across countries, we know that happiness is relative—it doesn’t really depend on objective factors like quality of life or income in the long term, but on the difference between one’s expectations and one’s reality. Further, we know that lottery winners and paraplegics don’t differ much in overall happiness, which suggests that happiness is not solely dependent on one’s reality.
However, happiness cannot be defined by such a simple formula; if the quote were true, then optimists would be far unhappier than pessimists in general, because they would more frequently find that their expectations exceeded their reality. This is not the case, indicating that high expectations alone do not guarantee unhappiness should one’s reality fail to meet those expectations; it’s how we react that really makes a difference.
A Quote on What Our Happiness Depends On
“Happiness depends upon ourselves.”
What it means:
This quote means that our happiness is dependent upon ourselves and our own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, rather than the people or events around us.
The evidence:
- As noted earlier, happy people tend to have good relationships; it’s not entirely clear which way the connection goes, but it’s likely that it works in both directions (i.e., happier people cause happier relationships, and happier relationships contribute to higher general happiness; Diener & Seligman, 2002).
- As we also noted earlier, we know that the decisions we make and actions we take have a greater impact on our happiness than changes in our circumstances (Sheldon & Lyubomirsky, 2006).
- Integrating more positive affect (good moods, positive experiences, and fun) into our lives can increase our happiness (Lyubomirsky, King, & Deiner, 2005).
The verdict: Yes, but with a caveat
True, our happiness does depend on ourselves and our actions. In fact, influential positive psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky estimates that around 40% of our happiness is due to the decisions we make (Garcia, 2017).
That is a huge amount of leeway we have to influence our own happiness! We know that including more positive experiences and boosting our mood can increase our overall happiness, so it’s clear that at least some of our happiness depends upon ourselves.
However, we also know that external factors like relationships, income, and work contribute to our happiness. It would be disingenuous to say that our happiness depends only upon ourselves.
A Quote on What Accompanies Happiness
“Happiness never comes alone.”
What it means:
This quote can be interpreted many different ways, but here’s our take on it: happiness does not show up as our one and only emotion—it cannot exist without negative and neutral emotions like sadness, fear, anger, and pain.
The evidence:
- The simple fact that we can have mixed emotions seems to reinforce the truth of this quote; we can all think of times we have felt both happy and sad, like when a child moves away to college or a beloved coworker and friend leaves to pursue a wonderful career opportunity.
- There is empirical evidence for the possibility of happiness and sadness co-occurring (Larson & Green, 2013).
- There is no person on earth who has never felt sadness in their life!
The verdict: True
This is an easy one—it’s clear that happiness can coexist with other emotions, and that it will never be your sole emotion or your only state of mind. You may experience intense happiness, but that happiness is only meaningful because you have experienced sadness and a neutral state in between the two.
Quotes on The Key to Happiness
“The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.”
Socrates
“Happiness can exist only in acceptance.”
George Orwell
What it means:
These quotes posit that happiness can only be achieved when we have accepted ourselves and our reality, and learn how to appreciate our life as it is.
The evidence:
- Self-acceptance is strongly related to life satisfaction and affect (i.e., mood; Ryff, 1989).
- Unconditional self-acceptance is also positively correlated with state mood and negatively correlated to symptoms of anxiety (Chamberlain & Haaga, 2001).
- As we saw earlier, happiness is more dependent on our reaction to reality (e.g., accepting it versus denying or fighting it) than the actual objective reality (Brickman et al., 1978).
- Being grateful for what we have—even if it’s not as much as we want—makes us happier (Emmons & McCullough, 2003).
The verdict: True
Although it’s not necessarily true that you cannot experience any happiness if you are not completely self-accepting, there is certainly truth to be found in this quote; the robust relationship between self-acceptance and acceptance is too strong to indicate otherwise.
When we learn to accept ourselves as we are and our reality as it is, we open ourselves up to much greater happiness. If you want to be happier, the science is clear: work on being authentic and loving yourself as you are!
Quotes on Seeking Happiness
“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.”
Albert Camus
“Happiness cannot be pursued, it must ensue.”
Dr. Viktor Frankl
What it means:
These quotes are based on the idea that a life of meaning is the way to a happy life, rather than the pursuit of happiness itself; they mean that happiness will not come to us if we chase it, but it is a positive byproduct of living a meaningful life.
The evidence:
- Happiness and meaning in life overlap significantly (Kashdan, Biswas-Deiner, & King, 2008).
- Those who seek happiness seem to have the most trouble actually gaining it (Mauss, Tamir, Anderson, & Savino, 2011).
- Trying to be happier can actually make us happier, as we noted earlier, which suggests that happiness can be pursued—at least in the moment (Ferguson & Sheldon, 2013).
- However, trying too hard can backfire; people who place too much emphasis on seeking positive emotion and avoiding negative emotion end up less happy (McGuirk, Kuppens, Kingston, & Bastian, 2018).
The verdict: Mostly true
Research shows that true happiness comes from pursuing more impactful and deeper things in life, like meaning. Simply trying to be happy does not really work in the long-term, although you might see short-term gains in happiness by just focusing your effort on being happier.
When we pursue a life of meaning, we may not experience greater positive affect and avoid negative affect as effectively, but we will improve our sense of purpose and overall wellbeing.
What our readers think
An interesting and thought-provoking article. Certainly much to think about and explore.
Although it’s inherently ambiguous to discern the meanings of such significant quotations without full knowledge of intent, context or translational limitations, the author does a terrific job of coming up with perspectives on what they mean in our modern context of care. Thank you all very much for posting such thought-provoking content. Coach Mark
This article is very useful or well sourced. Thank you!
Great article however I think you missed the most common cliche – money can’t buy happiness
When clients believe they are feeling better through talking, science has little to do with it. Stats have their purpose yet when helping clients work through personal issues, they don’t want stats. I listen and use my assortment of skills I have used.
I like Brene Brown’s explanation of happiness and joy–that happiness is connected to our circumstances and therefore fleeting and joy is the good mood of the soul and not dependent on outer circumstances. I personally strive for joy through intentional practices such as gratitude, mindfulness, meditation and living a life of integrity where my actions match my values.
Love this distinction! Thank you
Alignment between the “why” and the “how” seems to make sense to me. Thank you.
Thank you for this clear explanation of the different ways of understanding happiness. Research shows the value on happiness varies between cultures. Some even have an aversion to happiness and hedonistic lifestyles. Joshanloo (2014) Aiming to live in a eudemonic way leads to a full and meaningful life.
Courtney – Thank You! I work with a population who struggle with depression for a myriad of reasons. I very much appreciated this article because it became a ‘springboard’ for more discussion and deeper thinking. I didn’t think this was intended to be all inclusive or as any absolutes, as you well stated in your final paragraph entitled “A Take-Home Message.” I’ve read some of the other posts here with some surprise! I must say some of them completely missed the point. Disappointing.