Healthy emotional expression is necessary to foster emotional awareness, mindfulness, and thoughtful communication.
To express emotions constructively, find creative outlets such as art, writing, or music.
Address challenges like emotional suppression, guilt, or childhood invalidation using strategies like self-compassion, mindfulness, and emotional regulation.
Emotions are an integral part of being human. They guide our interactions, influence our decisions, and shape our sense of self. However, expressing emotions can often feel overwhelming or fraught with uncertainty.
In my practice, I have witnessed how difficult it is for clients who struggle to express their emotions effectively. It can cause challenges in so many parts of their lives: work, relationships, self-worth, and more.
This article explores ways to communicate feelings effectively, blending subtle practices that nurture emotional clarity and cultivate healthy relationships.
Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Emotional Intelligence Exercises for free. These science-based exercises will enhance your ability to understand and work with your emotions and will also give you the tools to foster the emotional intelligence of your clients, students, or employees.
Expressing our emotions is a complex issue. And as you work with clients, you may want to explain that emotional expression is both a language and an embodied process (Hawk et al., 2012). This means that although we may use words to overtly explain what we’re feeling, our body is processing and expressing those emotions in its own way (Vermeulen, 2009).
Teaching your clients to practice body awareness and embodied presence in the feeling and expression of their emotions may help improve their emotional expression and the quality of their relationships (Reed et al., 2020).
You may also want to start by helping your client learn how to identify their feelings; the following feelings wheel may be a helpful tool for that process.
The feeling wheel and how to use it
The ability to identify one’s emotions is a skill related to emotional intelligence (Salovey & Mayer, 1990).
Those high in this skill can communicate more detailed emotional experiences and use a greater emotional vocabulary. Research has found that helping individuals expand their emotional vocabulary can help them regulate their emotions more effectively (Kircanski et al., 2012).
The Feeling Wheel was designed by Gloria Willcox (1982) and is a great starting point for those who find it challenging to identify their emotions.
You can use the wheel for:
Exploring the emotions you are feeling at any given moment of the day.
Daily self-reflection where you identify the emotions you experienced throughout the day.
Exploring deeper and longer-term emotions that may be affecting you.
Helping your therapy or coaching clients describe their experiences in greater detail.
It must be noted that you can experience a diverse number of emotions simultaneously, and that the wheel should not be used for avoiding emotions or replacing ‘negative’ emotions with ‘positive’ ones. Instead, the goal is to identify your emotional experience, accept it as it is, and communicate it if you wish.
Here are a few more aspects to consider regarding effective emotional expression.
Create a mindful space
Expressing emotions in a healthy way requires an understanding of your feelings and a thoughtful approach to sharing them (Srikanth & Sonawat, 2012).
Cultivating a calm and open state of mind is essential for clear communication (Huston et al., 2011). You can help your clients do this by practicing these approaches (Prince-Paul & Kelley, 2017).
Pause before responding
Take a moment to tune in to emotions before expressing them. A brief reflection can help prevent reactive outbursts.
Focus on the present moment
Address what they feel now, rather than dredging up past grievances or projecting into the future.
Use “I” statements
Help your client frame their emotions in terms of their experience to foster understanding without assigning blame.
Practice gentleness
Help your client approach emotional conversations with kindness toward themselves and others.
These practices will allow your clients to create space for emotional authenticity and hopefully minimize misunderstandings or defensiveness (Jones & Hansen, 2015).
Feelings vs. emotions vs. moods
Learning to understand the nuances between feelings, emotions, and moods can deepen your clients’ self-awareness and improve their ability to express themselves (Gross & John, 1997).
The following graphic clearly outlines the difference between the three.
As you can see, the key differences are that:
Emotions are intense, often fleeting reactions to specific events, such as excitement after receiving good news.
Feelings are your subjective interpretation of emotions, like interpreting excitement as happiness or pride.
Moods are more generalized states, like feeling low or buoyant throughout the day.
How to be more expressive
Becoming more expressive involves expanding emotional awareness and building confidence in sharing feelings (Keltner et al., 2019).
Here are ways your clients can achieve this (Hayes & Metts, 2008).
Observe and reflect
Ask your clients to pay attention to their internal state throughout the day, noting how situations influence their emotions.
Find creative outlets
Writing, drawing, or even movement can provide ways to explore and express feelings that are hard to put into words.
Practice small acts of openness
Encourage clients to share minor feelings with someone they trust and gradually work toward expressing deeper emotions.
Learning the language of emotions
A broader emotional vocabulary can help your clients to articulate their feelings more precisely. For instance, help them differentiate between annoyed, frustrated, and angry.
Consider using the feeling dictionary below to help your client learn the language of emotions.
Feeling Dictionary
Over time, these practices will help clients feel more comfortable and authentic when communicating their emotions.
How to express emotions in difficult situations
So what happens when your client is doing all the “right things” and still feels that they are not being seen, heard, or understood? In these situations, they’ll require even more care and clarity to ensure their message is both heard and respected (Speights et al., 2020).
Here are some steps that may be helpful:
Pause and ground
Before responding, take a moment to breathe deeply and center yourself. This helps you approach the conversation with a calm and collected mindset.
Name feelings clearly
Use specific language to articulate how you feel. For example, instead of saying, “You’re ignoring me,” try, “I feel unacknowledged when my concerns aren’t addressed.”
Set boundaries respectfully
If the conversation becomes dismissive or unproductive, calmly express your limits: “I value this discussion, but I’d like us to revisit it when we can both approach it more calmly.”
Seek to understand, not just to be heard
Difficult situations often improve when both sides feel understood. Ask open-ended questions like, “Can you help me understand your perspective?” while also sharing your own.
By balancing assertiveness with empathy, clients can navigate even the toughest conversations in a way that fosters respect and resolution (Ilie & Metea, 2015).
How not to express your feelings
Certain habits can hinder effective emotional expression and create unnecessary tension (Chervonsky & Hunt, 2017).
The following habits are likely to derail effective expression and communication (Egloff et al., 2006).
Suppressing emotions
Pushing emotions aside can lead to stress and emotional outbursts later.
Speaking in absolutes
Generalized phrases like “You always …” or “You never …” may escalate conflicts by putting the other person on the defensive.
Using passive-aggressiveness
Indirect language, such as sarcasm, obscures true feelings and confuses others.
Overgeneralizing
Avoid labeling a specific event as a pattern unless it truly is one.
Cultivating awareness of how you express emotions can help you communicate more clearly and constructively (Israelashvili & Fischer, 2022).
Artūrs Miksons brings a humble and humorous perspective based on his extensive experience in clinical practice in his TEDx Talk.
Don't neglect your emotions. Express them - constructively!
What Happens When You Suppress Feelings?
We don’t need research to tell us that when emotions are bottled up, they don’t disappear. Instead, they intensify beneath the surface and manifest in other ways (Patel & Patel, 2019). This is our lived experience, and as therapists, we spend a great deal of time helping clients manage the consequences of these manifestations.
Increased stress
Emotional suppression triggers the body’s stress response, releasing cortisol and keeping the nervous system in a heightened state (Tyra et al., 2023). This ongoing tension can lead to exhaustion, irritability, relational challenges, and difficulty unwinding.
Emotional numbness
Over time, avoiding uncomfortable emotions can dull your ability to experience more positive ones like joy and connection (Park et al., 2022). In other words, by blocking out sadness, anger, or fear, your client may unintentionally cut themselves off from joy, love, and connection.
Health challenges
The mind–body connection is powerful, and suppressed emotions often contribute to physical symptoms like headaches, digestive issues, or high blood pressure (Chapman et al., 2013). In the long term, this strain may compromise immune system functioning and overall health.
Strained relationships
Suppression often leads to resentment or passive-aggressive behavior, creating distance in relationships (Chervonsky & Hunt, 2017). Unspoken feelings can erode trust and make honest communication feel increasingly difficult.
Learning to acknowledge and express emotions gently is key to preventing these negative outcomes.
4 Reasons Why People Struggle to Communicate Feelings
There are many reasons people find it challenging to express their emotions. Here are a few common barriers and how to address them.
1. Lack of emotional awareness
Without recognizing your own emotions, expressing them is nearly impossible (Frewen et al., 2012). Regularly checking in with ourselves helps bridge this gap.
2. Guilt and shame
Cultural or personal beliefs may make you feel weak for sharing emotions (Silfver, 2007). Reframing this vulnerability as a sign of strength and authenticity may help your client overcome these barriers to emotional expression (Nunney et al., 2022).
3. Fear of rejection
Negative experiences in the past can create hesitation (Dixon & Overall, 2018). Start with safe, supportive relationships to rebuild confidence.
4. Childhood invalidation
Growing up in environments where emotions were dismissed or ignored can make emotional expression feel unnatural or even unsafe (Dixon & Overall, 2018). Patience and self-compassion are essential for relearning these skills (Paucsik et al., 2022).
It will take time to address these barriers, but the effort will be worthwhile as it will facilitate a deeper connection and understanding for your client.
How to Help Someone Communicate Feelings in Creative Ways
Your client may find traditional methods of communication intimidating or limiting.
By exploring various forms of creative expression, such as art, storytelling, or movement, you can create safe spaces that empower your clients to share emotions in ways that feel authentic and nonjudgmental (Amorin‐Woods & Saccu, 2023).
Here are a few creative ways to help someone communicate their emotions.
Music
Whether through listening to music that resonates with their mood or creating their own music, your client may find that sounds can help them tap into emotions that words can’t express (Grimaud & Eerola, 2022).
Encourage your client to play an instrument, write a song, or sing, as these can be powerful ways to convey complex emotions.
Art
Art allows for deep, nonverbal expression (Döring, 2019). Drawing, painting, or sculpting can offer ways to externalize feelings that are difficult to put into words.
The process of creating something can also help people process emotions in a tangible way, offering a sense of release and relief (Melo & Paiva, 2008). Paula Liz has some novel ideas in her Virtual Art Room series.
Express yourself! How to express your emotions through art
Writing
Journaling, poetry, and creative writing can be great ways to explore feelings (Ullrich & Lutgendorf, 2002). Self-expressive writing allows for reflection and introspection, helping clients articulate emotions at their own pace. It also offers a private space for expression that can eventually lead to sharing if desired.
Theater and role-play
Acting in expressive arts or role-play can give clients the opportunity to step into different perspectives and express emotions from a safe distance (Zhang, 2023). This can be especially helpful in processing difficult feelings by externalizing them in a nonthreatening way.
Visual storytelling
Using visual elements, such as photography or film, allows individuals to communicate their feelings through imagery (Li et al., 2019). By capturing scenes, moments, or symbols that reflect their emotions, they can share their inner world in a way that feels less direct but still profoundly expressive.
By encouraging clients to explore these creative outlets, you provide them with tools that help them communicate their emotions and also promote healing and self-awareness (Méndez-Negrete, 2013).
Creativity may create a space for feelings to flow more freely, allowing for greater emotional insight and connection.
How to Manage Your Emotions Constructively
Managing emotions constructively doesn’t involve controlling or suppressing them, but rather working with them in a balanced and mindful way (Hede, 2010).
Using Hede’s (2010) findings, have your clients observe their emotions without judgment. Rather than labeling them as “good” or “bad,” clients can simply notice them as they arise. This helps create a sense of distance, allowing them to engage with their feelings rather than being overwhelmed by them.
Taking time to process emotions, whether through journaling or with quiet reflection, can provide clarity about their origins and what they might be signaling (Cooper et al., 2018).
Support your clients in accepting their emotions as they are, without the urge to immediately change or suppress them. This can often reduce their intensity and prevent them from becoming overwhelming (Dan-Glauser & Gross, 2015). When the individual feels ready to act, they can pause to consider how their response aligns with their values and long-term goals.
By thoughtfully responding rather than reacting impulsively, we create space for greater emotional regulation and healthier decision-making. These practices allow for a more intentional and balanced way of navigating emotions, fostering greater emotional wellbeing over time (Guendelman, 2017).
4 Techniques for Communicating Emotions in Relationships
Clear emotional communication is essential for healthy relationships (Chervonsky & Hunt, 2017).
Use these four techniques to help your clients build trust and foster deeper emotional connection (Hesse et al., 2020).
1. Start with appreciation
Begin difficult conversations by expressing gratitude for the relationship and setting a positive tone. For example, “Thank you for making time to work through this with me.”
2. Practice active listening
Reflect back what your partner says to show you understand their perspective. For example, “I am hearing you say … Am I understanding you fully?”
3. Use gentle language
Frame emotions in a way that invites dialogue rather than defensiveness. For example, “I would like to explain how I am feeling about this situation.”
4. Take breaks if needed
During heated moments, stepping away briefly can help both parties regain composure. This is not about just walking away in the middle of a discussion. Explain that you need a break and why. Set a time. For example, “I am feeling a bit overwhelmed by this conversation; please could we take a break and come back to it when we’ve had time to calm ourselves and gain some perspective and clarity?”
5 Tools to Express Different Emotions
Expressing emotions in healthy ways can be supported by several positive psychology tools (Jain et al., 2023).
Gratitude journaling is an excellent tool for shifting emotional focus, helping clients reframe negative feelings by acknowledging the positive aspects of life.
Strengths identification, such as recognizing personal strengths through tools like the VIA Character Strengths survey, can empower clients to navigate emotions with confidence and resilience.
Mindfulness practices, including mindful breathing and body scans, allow clients to observe emotions without judgment, promoting emotional awareness and regulation.
Self-compassion exercises, such as speaking to ourselves with kindness during difficult emotions, may help to foster a nurturing response instead of self-criticism.
Positive reframing may help to change the narrative around challenging emotions, focusing on potential growth and opportunities.
These tools rooted in positive psychology support emotional expression while cultivating wellbeing and resilience (Moskowitz et al., 2020).
17 Exercises To Develop Emotional Intelligence
These 17 Emotional Intelligence Exercises [PDF] will help others strengthen their relationships, lower stress, and enhance their wellbeing through improved EQ.
PositivePsychology.com has many tools and resources that would be helpful for therapists supporting clients to improve emotional expression.
The Emotional Expression Checklist is a great place to start. It provides a brief set of reflective questions to help clients determine the right time to express how they feel.
Our Emotional Expression Worksheet helps clients visualize a potentially challenging experience and reflect on the emotions they feel and how they might share them.
This Experiencing Emotions Worksheet will help clients reflect on the nature of an emotion, build an understanding of it, and be ready to share their feelings.
If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others develop emotional intelligence, this collection contains 17 validated EI tools for practitioners. Use them to help others understand and use their emotions to their advantage.
A Take-Home Message
Expressing our emotions is a skill that enriches our lives and relationships. By cultivating awareness, approaching emotions with curiosity, and adopting constructive practices, we can navigate the complexities of emotional communication with greater ease.
As you support your clients to grow in their ability to express themselves, you may notice not only improved relationships but also a deeper sense of inner peace and connection. You can help your clients to live more fully engaged and fulfilled lives.
Expressing your emotions involves communicating your feelings in a healthy way, whether through words, actions, or creative outlets like art and writing. It allows you to share your emotional state with others, improving self-understanding and relationships.
How do you communicate emotions?
You can communicate emotions by using “I” statements to describe how you feel, being mindful of your tone and body language, and using active listening to engage with others. Being honest and clear about your emotions fosters better understanding and connection.
Why is it so hard to express my feelings?
It can be hard to express our feelings due to fear of vulnerability, rejection, or judgment, and sometimes we haven’t been taught how to recognize or articulate emotions. Additionally, past experiences of invalidation or emotional suppression can make it challenging to share openly.
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About the author
Susan McGarvie, Ph.D., is a writer, researcher, and therapist in private practice. With more than twenty years' experience working in the health and NPO sectors, her research, writing, and work have focused on supporting practitioners to better manage stress and create a balanced sense of wellbeing.
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What our readers think
JK
on February 26, 2024 at 22:50
I endured 30+ years of trauma. I was not permitted to express tears, whimpers, could say nothing about the trauma, etc. Today, I so need to express myself about the feelings of my past and yet, I can’t do it. I am too frightened to let it out and to be vulnerable to another person. What do I do? I have done the drawing and writing.
I’m truly sorry for what you’ve been through. It’s brave to seek ways to express and heal.
When you’re ready, a therapist specialized in trauma can provide a safe space for gradual healing, using methods like CBT or EMDR to help you navigate your journey at your own pace. You can find a directory of licensed therapists here, with an option to adjust the search based on your location.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to go slow.
I’ve always found difficulty expressing my thoughts and feelings to others. I can’t seem to carry a conversation and focus on a subject without having to drift into a maze and eventually losing sight of the subject discussion…Frustrating!!!…I hope to improve after reading these tips.
Emotions are an integral part of being human. They guide our interactions, influence our decisions, and shape our sense of self. However, expressing emotions can often feel overwhelming or fraught with uncertainty.
Your client may find traditional methods of communication intimidating or limiting.
Managing emotions constructively doesn’t involve controlling or suppressing them, but rather working with them in a balanced and mindful way (Hede, 2010).
What our readers think
I endured 30+ years of trauma. I was not permitted to express tears, whimpers, could say nothing about the trauma, etc. Today, I so need to express myself about the feelings of my past and yet, I can’t do it. I am too frightened to let it out and to be vulnerable to another person. What do I do? I have done the drawing and writing.
Hi JK,
I’m truly sorry for what you’ve been through. It’s brave to seek ways to express and heal.
When you’re ready, a therapist specialized in trauma can provide a safe space for gradual healing, using methods like CBT or EMDR to help you navigate your journey at your own pace. You can find a directory of licensed therapists here, with an option to adjust the search based on your location.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to go slow.
Warm regards,
Julia | Community Manager
I’ve been trying to find ways to communicate on family issues and have found vital scientific based information to proceed. 🙏
BRILLIANT!!!! WHAT AN AMAZING RESOURCE. THANK YOU
I’ve always found difficulty expressing my thoughts and feelings to others. I can’t seem to carry a conversation and focus on a subject without having to drift into a maze and eventually losing sight of the subject discussion…Frustrating!!!…I hope to improve after reading these tips.
Wonderful article!! Thank you!