Emotional maturity involves effectively managing and expressing emotions.
Influenced by: early years, trauma, social interactions, & cultural norms.
Growth in emotional maturity requires self-reflection, empathy and resilience.
We all like to think that we’re emotionally mature, but are we really?
Having the courage to take an unbiased look at where we may need to improve ourselves can have significant benefits for our relationships, work, and wellbeing.
In recent years the concept of emotional maturity has taken a back seat to its more popular cousin, emotional intelligence. Are they the same? Is emotional maturity just an old-fashioned term for emotional intelligence?
In this article, we’ll explore what emotional maturity is, what it’s not, and how to assess and develop it.
Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Emotional Intelligence Exercises for free. These science-based exercises will enhance your ability to understand and work with your emotions and will also give you the tools to foster the emotional intelligence of your clients, students, or employees.
Emotional maturity is the ability to understand and manage our emotions effectively so that we can build and sustain healthy relationships and create a fulfilling life (Fernandes & David, 2016). It encompasses recognizing emotions and expressing them appropriately, even in challenging situations (Jobson, 2020).
Emotional maturity is not about repressing our emotions but rather about being aware of them and responding to them constructively. In other words, it’s being able to hold and express our emotions appropriately when it is appropriate to do so.
The term emotional intelligence has become a buzzword in therapy, organizational psychology, and leadership (Goleman, 2001). How does it compare to emotional maturity?
Emotional Maturity vs. Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence (EI) and emotional maturity are related but distinct concepts. EI refers to the ability to navigate our own emotions and those of others (Ralte et al., 2023). It includes skills like emotional awareness, empathy, and effective communication (Arasteh & Seyedoshohadaei, 2018). High EI allows individuals to effectively navigate social complexities and maintain positive relationships (Schutte et al., 2007).
Emotional maturity, on the other hand, is the manifestation of these skills through consistent, appropriate emotional responses and behaviors (Bhagat et al., 2017). It reflects a person’s ability to handle emotions constructively, especially under stress or conflict (Ansari, 2015).
This means that while EI can be seen as a skill set, emotional maturity is the application of these skills in real-life situations. In essence, emotional intelligence is the foundation upon which emotional maturity is built (Arasteh & Seyedoshohadaei, 2018).
So, if you’re a person with high EI, you would have the tools needed for emotional maturity, but only through practice and experience can you achieve true emotional maturity.
8 Signs of Emotional Immaturity
Sometimes the best way to understand something is to take a look at what it’s not.
Emotional immaturity is the antithesis of emotional maturity, and classic signs of emotional immaturity include (Silva et al., 2016):
Blaming others or consistently placing responsibility for your own problems or feelings on others
Lack of accountability for personal actions and their consequences
Impulsivity or acting on immediate desires without considering long-term consequences
Overreacting to stressful situations; being unable to cope effectively with normal day-to-day frustrations
Poor emotional regulation; having frequent emotional outbursts or extreme mood swings
Overdependence; relying excessively on others for emotional support or decision-making
Avoiding conflict or shying away from difficult conversations or situations that require resolution
Inconsistent self-image; having a fluctuating sense of self-worth and identity
You may be thinking, “But I have well-adjusted clients who sometimes present with these behaviors.” And you’d be right; just because your clients may be exhibiting some of the behavior above doesn’t mean that they’re necessarily emotionally immature.
As a therapist, you’re looking for a pattern of behavior over time, since our emotional maturity is continually growing and not totally static (Ranjana, 2016). How we manage the stresses of life depends on where we are at any given moment. For example, if we’re sick or going through something tough like a divorce, move, or new job, that will affect our emotional reserves and our emotional maturity to a certain extent.
As a counterpoint, this Psych2Go clip highlights 6 Things Emotionally Mature People Do.
6 Things emotionally mature people do - Psych2Go
What Influences Emotional Maturity? 7 Factors
Our emotional maturity is influenced by several factors, each contributing uniquely to our ability to understand and manage emotions.
1. Childhood experiences
Early relationships with caregivers set the foundation for emotional development (Pollak, 2003). The emotional environment that we grow up in profoundly impacts our ability to develop healthy emotional responses and coping mechanisms.
Observing and mimicking the emotional responses and coping mechanisms of our parents and caregivers plays a critical role in shaping our emotional development (Hajal & Paley, 2020).
We learn how to handle our emotions by watching how our parents and caregivers deal with stress, express emotions, and interact with others. This means that effective parental modeling can foster emotional maturity, while poor modeling can lead to maladaptive emotional behaviors.
3. Trauma and adversity
Experiencing significant stress or trauma can impact emotional growth, either stunting or accelerating maturity (Sudbrack et al., 2015).
If someone is exposed to trauma, they may develop heightened emotional responses or, conversely, may become emotionally resilient through overcoming adversity. The nature and extent of trauma influence how it affects emotional development (Sudbrack et al., 2015).
4. Education and awareness
Learning about emotional intelligence and healthy coping strategies can foster maturity. By providing education about emotions and proactive emotional management, you can enhance your clients’ ability to handle emotional challenges effectively (Kaur et al., 2015).
Programs focused on emotional intelligence can equip individuals with the tools necessary for emotional growth.
5. Social interactions
Positive and negative interactions with peers influence emotional development. Social experiences, such as friendships, conflicts, and collaborations, will help your clients learn how to navigate emotional landscapes (Berry & Hansen, 1996). These interactions teach important lessons about empathy, communication, and conflict resolution, all of which are crucial for emotional maturity.
6. Cultural norms
Cultural background and societal expectations shape how emotions are expressed and managed. Yang and Wang (2019) explain that cultural norms dictate acceptable emotional behaviors and influence emotional regulation strategies. You can help your clients understand how these norms can either support or hinder their emotional maturity and find ways to adapt accordingly.
7. Mental health
Conditions such as anxiety, depression, and personality disorders can affect emotional regulation. These mental health issues can disrupt your clients’ normal emotional development and lead to difficulties in managing emotions (Poole et al., 2017). Addressing mental health through therapy, medication, or other interventions is essential for fostering emotional maturity.
By understanding these factors, you can help your clients better navigate their emotional development and work toward greater emotional maturity.
Although these quizzes may be a helpful starting point, they’re not validated by research. Effectively assessing emotional maturity requires personal reflection as well as objective feedback from others, such as friends, a mentor, or a coach.
There has been far more research around measuring EI. As EI has been identified as the foundation of emotional maturity, it may be more helpful to test emotional intelligence using a validated EI tool.
Emotional maturity is a skill that can be nurtured and developed through psychoeducation, therapy, and coaching (Kaur et al., 2015).
Possessing or developing the following characteristics provides the foundation for developing emotional maturity:
1. Personal reflection & self-awareness
Self-awareness and a willingness to reflect on one’s emotions and behaviors are crucial for the growth and development of emotional maturity (Herwig et al., 2010).
2. Openness to feedback
Personal growth and emotional maturity are dependent on our willingness to accept and learn from constructive criticism (McEnrue et al., 2009).
3. Commitment to growth
Personal growth is hard work and requires a dedication to ongoing personal development and emotional learning (Bauer & McAdams, 2004).
4. Empathy
The ability to identify, interpret, and share the feelings of others is integral to emotional maturity (McNaughton, 2016).
5. Resilience
All personal growth requires the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties and adapt to change (Still, 2023).
Growing emotionally requires dedication and intentionality. Four key methods — therapy, mindfulness, journaling, and self-reflection — can guide your clients on their journey toward greater emotional maturity.
1. Therapy
Seeking professional help through therapy provides a structured environment where your clients can identify underlying emotional patterns and learn coping mechanisms and tools for better emotional management (Greenberg, 2002).
Therapy can facilitate emotional healing and growth by offering personalized support and guidance, fostering long-term emotional maturity.
2. Mindfulness
Practicing mindfulness involves being present in the moment and fully aware of emotions and reactions without judgment (Kabat-Zinn, 2015). It can help individuals develop a deeper understanding of their emotional patterns, leading to better emotional regulation and increased resilience (Shapiro et al., 2008).
Techniques such as mindfulness meditation, deep-breathing exercises, and body scans can cultivate this awareness, allowing individuals to respond to emotions more thoughtfully rather than impulsively.
3. Journaling
Writing about feelings and experiences can be a powerful tool for emotional growth (Deepa & Mansurali, 2022). It helps individuals process their emotions, gain insights into their behaviors, and understand their triggers. By regularly documenting thoughts and feelings, a safe space is created to explore the inner world, which can lead to greater self-awareness and emotional clarity.
4. Self-reflection
Regularly taking time for self-reflection allows clients to analyze their behavior and emotional responses, enhancing self-awareness and emotional growth (Crane et al., 2019).
By examining actions and reactions, your clients can identify areas for improvement and develop strategies to manage emotions more effectively. Self-reflection practices such as meditation, contemplation, or simply setting aside time to think about the day can contribute significantly to emotional maturity.
For more about how to grow emotional maturity, have a look at How to Be Less Emotionally Reactive: Black and White Thinking.
How to be less emotionally reactive: black and white thinking
Emotional Intelligence & Growth Quotes
“The emotionally intelligent person is skilled in four areas: identifying emotions, using emotions, understanding emotions, and regulating emotions.”
– Salovey & Mayer, 1990, p. 189
“Emotional intelligence, more than any other factor, more than IQ or expertise, accounts for 85% to 90% of success at work […] IQ is a threshold competence. You need it, but it doesn’t make you a star. Emotional intelligence can.”
– Goleman, 1998, p. 3
“Enthusiasm is an attitude that is critical to a highly motivated individual. It is the most visible and it is the easiest to develop”
– Mannering & Mannering, 1999, p. 85
“Growth happens when you start doing the things you’re not qualified to do.”
– Bartlett, 2023, p. 43
7 Worksheets to Get Your Clients Started
Worksheets are a great way to get clients interested and motivated to do the emotional work needed during therapy. Here are a few to get you started:
Daily Mood Tracker tracks daily emotional experiences and triggers. You can use this to help clients identify patterns that could be used as points of growth and development.
Connect the Dots can help clients identify strategies supporting emotional growth and development.
Linking Feelings and Situations worksheet will help your clients identify past situations where they have previously felt common emotions such as fear, sadness, and happiness. Use these to begin exploring how your clients interpret different scenarios with their thoughts, highlighting the relationship that exists between thoughts and feelings.
Interacting With Your Emotions worksheet instructs clients to reflect on the different feelings in common situations. Use this worksheet to familiarize clients with common emotions and feelings, enabling clients to engage with them more freely.
Loving-Kindness Meditation Guide provides instructions for practicing loving-kindness meditation. The practice cultivates an atmosphere of self-compassion, which will promote an openness to growth and change.
This Personal Growth Tracker will help your clients track their personal development, which can be used to boost morale and motivation.
17 Exercises To Develop Emotional Intelligence
These 17 Emotional Intelligence Exercises [PDF] will help others strengthen their relationships, lower stress, and enhance their wellbeing through improved EQ.
There are a wide range of resources available in the PositivePsychology.com repository that would be helpful as your clients embark on a journey of personal growth toward emotional maturity.
There are a number of articles covering a range of topics related to emotional wellbeing and maturity:
Assessing Emotional Intelligence: 19 Valuable Scales & PDFs explains how emotional intelligence is measured, beginning with the different types of assessments that have been used in the past. It also provides a list of recommended resources.
Broaden-and-Build Theory of Positive Emotions explores some key differences between positive and negative emotions, and outlines the core principles of Fredrickson’s (2004) broaden-and-build theory.
If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others develop emotional intelligence, this collection contains 17 validated EI tools for practitioners. Use them to help others understand and use their emotions to their advantage.
A Take-Home Message
Developing emotional maturity is a lifelong journey that requires dedication, self-awareness, and a willingness to grow. It is a journey that will help improve relationships, enhance wellbeing, and lead to a more fulfilling life.
Use the methods, worksheets, and resources provided to enable your clients to embark on this path to emotional maturity. Remember, the goal is not perfection but progress. Celebrate growth and continue to strive for emotional maturity in all areas of life.
What’s the difference between emotional intelligence and emotional maturity?
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions and those of others. Emotional maturity, on the other hand, is the application of these skills in real-life situations, demonstrating consistent, appropriate emotional responses and behaviors.
Does being emotionally mature mean avoiding negative emotions?
No; it means acknowledging and managing them in a healthy way. Emotional maturity involves understanding that negative emotions are a natural part of life and finding constructive ways to cope with them.
Are age and emotional maturity correlated?
Not necessarily; while emotional maturity often increases with age due to life experiences, it is not guaranteed. There is a natural progression of emotional maturity with age, but emotional maturity depends more on personal growth, self-awareness, and intentional development of emotional skills rather than simply aging.
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About the author
Susan McGarvie, Ph.D., is a writer, researcher, and therapist in private practice. With more than twenty years' experience working in the health and NPO sectors, her research, writing, and work have focused on supporting practitioners to better manage stress and create a balanced sense of wellbeing.
We all like to think that we’re emotionally mature, but are we really?
Sometimes the best way to understand something is to take a look at what it’s not.
Emotional maturity is a skill that can be nurtured and developed through 
