Attachment Theory, Bowlby’s Stages & Attachment Styles

You may, like me, have an initial sense that old theories such as attachment theory have had their day.

And yes, there is newer, shinier material available that explains the importance of emotional and social connection to our wellbeing.

The thing is though, this is foundational work that helps to explain much of our relational challenges in later life (Connors, 2011). This is made evident by the resurgence in interest in the theory and how it can be applied in therapy (Harlow, 2019).

This article provides a reminder overview of what attachment theory is all about and explores the relevance of this theory in current contexts. We also review our best pick of books that will help you to make sense of and make use of attachment theory in your practice.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Positive Relationships Exercises for free. These detailed, science-based exercises will help you or your clients build healthy, life-enriching relationships.

What Is Attachment Theory? Definition & Background

Attachment theory explains how emotional bonds form between individuals, especially between a child and their primary caregiver (Salcuni, 2015).

Originating from the work of British psychologist John Bowlby (1969), it is based on the premise that the quality of our early relationships with caregivers has a significant impact on our development as human beings.

The thought is that humans are biologically programmed to form attachments to survive, and that the quality of these attachments affects our development and our experience of life and relationships throughout our life (Bowlby, 1979).

At the core of attachment theory is the idea that children will reach out to a caregiver during times of distress or uncertainty (Bowlby, 1979; Harlow, 2019). The emotional connection built during these interactions forms the foundation of secure or insecure attachments. As a child grows, this bond influences how they navigate future relationships and cope with stress.

To find out more and if reading is your thing, you may prefer our blog article Attachment Styles in Children (& How to Raise Secure Kids. Alternatively, watch this video to learn more about attachment styles in children and how they influence development.

Emotional attachment

Emotional attachment refers to the deep emotional bonds that we form to provide security and comfort (Cooke et al., 2019). It influences our quality of life and wellbeing throughout our life (Consedine & Magai, 2003).

Secure attachment is generally associated with higher levels of quality of life and wellbeing, whereas insecure attachment is linked to poorer quality of life and various mental health challenges (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2012).

The Harlow Experiments

Psychologist Harry Harlow’s famous experiments with rhesus monkeys in the 1950s provided early insight into the importance of emotional attachment (Harlow & Zimmermann, 1959; Suomi, 2001).

In these experiments, infant monkeys were given the choice between two surrogate mothers — one made of wire and offering food, and another made of soft cloth offering comfort but no food.

The monkeys consistently chose the comforting cloth mother over the wire mother, highlighting that comfort and emotional closeness were more important to developing attachment than the satisfaction of basic physiological needs like hunger (Rosmalen et al., 2022). You can learn more in our article Harlow’s Monkey Experiments: 3 Findings About Attachment.

Although considered highly controversial and disturbing today, Harlow’s experiments laid the groundwork for understanding the emotional and physical needs that underlie attachment, emphasizing that attachment is not just about survival but also emotional wellbeing. So, let’s see what Bowlby did with these initial findings.

Bowlby’s Attachment Theory

Bowlby (1979) expanded on these ideas to develop his theory of attachment, proposing that children are born with an innate drive to form bonds with caregivers to ensure survival. He proposed that children’s attachment behavior — crying, clinging, and following — is a way to keep caregivers close.

Bowlby (1969, 2018) introduced the concept of the “secure base,” where a child uses a caregiver as a stable point of safety from which to explore the world. The child gains confidence in exploring their environment when they feel secure in the attachment to their caregiver.

He also identified the importance of early relationships and how disruptions in these bonds could lead to attachment issues later in life, such as anxiety or emotional insecurity. These findings have been supported and are still being expanded on (Connors, 2011).

Strange Situation (Ainsworth’s Attachment Theory)

Mary Ainsworth (1969), a colleague of Bowlby, further developed attachment theory through her “Strange Situation” experiment. In this experiment, infants were observed in a series of interactions involving their caregivers, a stranger, and brief periods of separation.

Based on the infants’ responses to these situations, three primary attachment styles were identified:

1. Secure attachment
   The child feels comfortable exploring when the caregiver is present and shows distress when the caregiver leaves. A child with secure attachment is easily soothed when the caregiver returns.
2. Insecure–avoidant attachment
   The child is indifferent to the caregiver’s presence and avoids them upon return, indicating an emotional disconnection.
3. Insecure–ambivalent/resistant attachment
   The child is anxious before separation and shows ambivalence or resistance to the caregiver upon their return.

Later, a fourth style, disorganized attachment, was added by other researchers (Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1991). These children display a mix of behaviors that indicate confusion or fear toward their caregivers.

The 4 Stages of Attachment

Studies have found that children develop attachment through a series of four stages from infancy through early childhood (Bowlby, 2018).

1. Pre-attachment (birth to 6 weeks): Infants show no particular attachment to a specific caregiver but engage in behaviors such as crying or smiling to prompt caregiving responses.
2. Attachment-in-the-making (6 weeks to 6–8 months): Infants begin to show preferences for their primary caregiver but don’t protest when separated from them.
3. Clear-cut attachment (6–8 months to 18–24 months): Infants become more attached to their primary caregiver and may show separation anxiety when they leave.
4. Formation of a reciprocal relationship (18–24 months and beyond): Children grow and become more independent and understand that the caregiver will return. This understanding results in decreasing levels of anxiety during separations.

Factors influencing attachment

If you have experience working with children, you’ll be aware that there are many factors that may influence the development of attachment between a caregiver and a child. These include environmental, caregiver, and infant factors. Darvishvand et al. (2018) identified the following:

1. Caregiver factors such as age, education level, financial security, psychosocial security, and health during and experience of pregnancy and labor, as well as postpartum care such as rooming-in, skin-to-skin contact, early initiation of breastfeeding, etc.
2. Infant factors such as health problems, premature birth, sex, and moods

In addition, genetic, environmental, and cultural factors have also been found to influence attachment. Cooke et al. (2019) identified the following examples:

• Genetic factors such as variations in the oxytocin receptor gene could affect a child’s ability to form secure attachments by influencing trust and bonding behaviors.
• Environmental factors such as high-stress environments (such as households with financial instability or parental conflict) can contribute to insecure attachment patterns in children.
• Cultural factors such as those seen in collectivist cultures, like Japan, emphasize interdependence, while in individualistic cultures, such as the United States, independence is often prioritized in caregiving, shaping attachment differently.

The long-term impact of early attachment

Early attachment experiences profoundly affect future relationships and emotional wellbeing (Thompson, 2000). Research suggests that securely attached children grow into adults who are better able to form healthy, trusting relationships (Groh et al., 2017). They are more likely to display high self-esteem and have better emotional regulation (Cooke et al., 2019).

In contrast, children with insecure attachments may struggle with relationships, experience anxiety, or have difficulty managing emotions (Doyle & Cicchetti, 2017).

In severe cases, attachment disruptions in early childhood can lead to attachment disorders, which may manifest as avoidance, aggression, or extreme emotional dependency (Kochanska & Kim, 2012).

Attachment Styles & Their Impact on Relationships

Attachment styles continue to shape individuals’ relationships throughout adulthood (Domingue & Mollen, 2009).

This means that adult attachment mirrors childhood patterns. So, if your clients are struggling to form healthy adult relationships, they may benefit from an exploration of their attachment style.

From an adult perspective, the attachment styles would present as follows (Domingue & Mollen, 2009):

1. Secure adults tend to have healthy, trusting, and supportive relationships.
2. Anxious-preoccupied adults often crave intimacy but may struggle with feelings of insecurity and fear of abandonment.
3. Dismissive-avoidant adults are likely to avoid emotional closeness and may prioritize independence over intimate relationships.
4. Fearful-avoidant adults may long for connection with a fear of getting too close, often resulting in conflicting emotions and unstable relationships.

Helping your client understand their attachment style can offer valuable insights into their relationship dynamics and emotional behavior. Andrew Huberman expands on this idea in his Huberman Lab episode titled “The Science of Love, Desire and Attachment.”

Practical Applications

Attachment theory has been applied in various fields, including psychology, education, social care, and health care (Salcuni, 2015).

• Educators use attachment principles to create supportive environments that encourage secure bonds between students and teachers, helping to foster positive academic and social outcomes (Harlow, 2019).
• Attachment theory is also central to parenting programs, which teach caregivers how to form secure attachments with their children (Rosabal‐Coto et al., 2017).
• The social system uses attachment theory to make decisions about the best interests of children (Harlow, 2019).

You can use attachment theory in your therapy practice to help clients understand how their early experiences shape their current relationships and emotional patterns (Burke et al., 2016). This understanding can be used as a building block for richer and healthier lived experiences.

Criticisms of Attachment Style Theories

While attachment theory is widely accepted, it has its critics. For example, Ein-Dor and Hirschberger (2016) feel that it overemphasizes stability and neglects evolutionary trade-offs.

Fegran et al. (2008) argue that the theory overly emphasizes the role of the mother in a child’s development, potentially neglecting the contributions of other caregivers like fathers and grandparents.

Others question the universality of the theory, arguing that cultural differences in child-rearing may challenge the Western-centric framework of attachment theory (Thompson et al., 2022).

Furthermore, some researchers believe that attachment styles are more fluid than Bowlby and Ainsworth suggested, changing throughout life in response to new experiences and relationships (Belsky, 2002).

3 Attachment Theory Books

1. A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development – John Bowlby

A Secure Base explores seminal ideas regarding the significance of children’s early relationships and the role they play in shaping their emotional wellbeing and future relationships.

Building on his attachment theory, Bowlby discusses how a secure attachment between a parent and child forms the foundation for healthy psychological development and emotional regulation.

The book delves into key concepts such as the secure base, emotional security, and psychological wellbeing within the context of developmental attachment. It also reflects on the implications of attachment theory for clinical practice, child-rearing, and understanding psychological disorders.

If you’re new to attachment theory, this is a great place to start.

Find the book on Amazon.

2. Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) With Individuals, Couples, and Families – Susan Johnson

This book applies the principles of attachment theory to psychotherapy, with particular focus on:

• The foundational role of attachment theory in understanding emotional bonds and how they influence relationships throughout life
• How EFT helps individuals, couples, and families identify and reframe emotional responses rooted in attachment needs, leading to healthier and more secure relationships
• Practical therapeutic interventions with step-by-step guidelines for applying EFT in therapeutic settings, addressing common relationship issues like conflict, emotional disconnection, and insecurity
• Real-world case studies illustrating how EFT is used to help clients strengthen their emotional bonds and create positive change in relationships

The book is aimed at therapists who are interested in how attachment theory can be applied to improve emotional wellbeing and relationship dynamics.

Find the book on Amazon.

3. Attachment and Interaction: From Bowlby to Current Clinical Theory and Practice – Mario Marrone

Marrone discusses the evolution of attachment theory from John Bowlby’s foundational work to its modern clinical applications. The book provides an in-depth examination of how attachment theory has been integrated into current therapeutic practices and psychological understanding. Some additional topics include:

• The origins of attachment theory through Bowlby’s work and how it has influenced developmental psychology and psychoanalysis
• How attachment theory interacts with other psychological frameworks, such as object relations and relational psychoanalysis, highlighting its relevance across different schools of thought
• How attachment theory is applied in psychotherapy, particularly in working with individuals who have experienced trauma, loss, or dysfunctional early relationships, with explanations of how understanding attachment dynamics can help therapists address issues such as anxiety, depression, and relationship problems
• New developments in the field, particularly the impact of neuroscience on our understanding of attachment and emotional regulation

This book is both theoretical and practical and will provide you with insight into using attachment theory as a tool for therapy.

Find the book on Amazon.

PositivePsychology.com’s Related Resources

Our repository is full of useful tools to help you support your clients in building healthier ways of engaging with others in relationships. A few that are particularly pertinent to attachment theory include the following:

Tools

The Anxious Attachment Patterns Worksheet can be used to help clients identify and understand anxious attachment patterns and how these may be affecting their relationships.

The Getting to Know Your Partner Worksheet can be used to help your clients learn more about their partner. By sharing details of themselves, they can begin to improve closeness and strengthen bonds, leading to more secure attachment.

Masterclass

The Positive Relationships Masterclass© is a comprehensive training template that you can use to develop your client’s relational skills. It offers in-depth insights and practical strategies to cultivate healthy, meaningful relationships in both personal and professional contexts.

The masterclass covers the science behind positive relationships, focusing on effective communication, empathy, and emotional intelligence. The combination of theory and actionable exercises provides you with a comprehensive approach to help your clients apply the pillars of positive relationships.

If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others build healthy relationships, this collection contains 17 validated positive relationships tools for practitioners. Use them to help others form healthier, more nurturing, and life-enriching relationships.

A Take-Home Message

Attachment theory revolutionized our understanding of emotional development, emphasizing that the bonds formed in infancy shape our capacity for trust, intimacy, and emotional regulation throughout life. It provided a valuable framework for exploring how early experiences influence later relationships.

While the theory has its criticisms, its practical applications in therapy, parenting, and education continue to offer powerful tools for improving emotional wellbeing and fostering secure connections.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Positive Relationships Exercises for free.

ED: Rewrite Dec 2024